Nothing will be the same when your parents are gone
The law of life indicates that little by little we will see how our elders leave this world. We do it with a lot of regret and pain, and sometimes this idea is so unbearable that we don´t even want to think about it.
Losses are always painful, but when it comes to our own parents, it is much harder.
It is those people who were always there when we need them and despite being adults and even having our own families, we will always need the support of our parents, the people who love us most in this life.
Facing his death is one of the most bleak experiences we will have to live. As much as we attend a long and painful illness or a fortuitous and sudden event, we are never prepared to separate ourselves from them and no longer have the selfless advice and the word of comfort that we will always need. How not to miss them?
The adult child.
The death of the parents indicates the end of a child´s last refuge. Physical disappearance can immerse us in a dull feeling of vulnerability and insecurity. Although that father or mother has been dysfunctional throughout life, it still represents a safe place to which we could always return when we felt sad or threatened by danger.
The loss of parents represents the loss of unconditional love and identification models.
For the adult child, this also amounts to the partial loss of his story as a child, because his parents were the repositories of childhood memories and no one can evoke those childhood experiences.
So not everything is summarized as we lose our parents, but we also lose a part of our being, a pillar of security of our existence and although that father or mother, have not been the best in the world, we lose the representation of what we expected them to be. With his death, they can never be what we would have wanted.
This, in turn, also ends with the possibility of repaying debts or closing cracks with our parents. Things we would have wanted to say, and we did not say, conflicts that we would have wanted to solve and, we could not ... well, outstanding debts.
Do the duel.
Be tolerant of yourself. Do not impose things on yourself or allow others to impose them on you. We all have our times for everything and going through a duel is no different. Do not expect to resume your usual pace in a few weeks; it may take longer. It is not the time to set expectations.
Death is a hard thing. When it comes to the people we love the most, it can be heartbreaking and the processes to recover are long.
Keep the best memories, share anecdotes with your children, don´t be afraid to talk about it. Your parents were important people in your life and always will be. Memories also comfort and help heal.
Accept your reactions, because sadness is not the only feeling that emerges. There is also anger, feelings of injustice and denial. All this is normal and like all feelings, it is necessary to let it flow and give it time.
Life goes on.
You feel depressed and it´s normal, but you should also think that your parents loved you and would not want to see you down to the point that your whole life is paralyzed by this unfortunate fact.
Of course, this seems easier said than done. Think parents are happy, when they see their children happy. It is not about ignoring negative feelings, but about making the effort to keep going and enjoy the little things every day as much as you can.
With the death of parents, we cease to be "the children of" to become true adults. We transform ourselves a little and the best way to pay tribute to them is by transmitting their values, their principles and their teachings to our own children.
It is time to appreciate the good work they did as parents and also as grandparents, how much we have grown thanks to them and how much they have inspired us. It is the moment of gratitude and of measuring the unconditional and selfless love they gave us throughout our lives.
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