7 Ways in which you destroy the self-esteem of your children.
A good self-esteem develops mainly with the recognition of our strengths, but also of our limits.
Today we know that self-confidence and the feeling of knowing we are loved allow us to better face the failures and disappointments that inevitably come to the life of every human being.
For a child to acquire a positive image of himself, he will need his parents because they will be the ones who play the main role in the construction of this trust.
Let´s start with ourselves.
Did you ever wonder how primitive men learned to fish, hunt and gather their food? Simply imitating the same animals.
Man is basically a social being and he learns by imitation, that is why we always talk about parents being the mirror in which our children look to forge their own personality and develop personal behaviors.
In the same way, self-esteem is also taught and learned.
Children observe us all the time and knowing this, we must take into account some aspects that are important to demonstrate:
- Do not get discouraged before the first obstacle or before a goal that demands effort. May your children see you persevere.
- Be proud of your achievements, even when they are small.
- Do activities that you like just for pleasure and not for setting a record.
- Do not prove to be aware of the opinion of others.
- Explain with reasonable grounds that at certain times you should put yourself as a priority. (For example, if you are sick, it is fair that you rest and others take care of carrying the house forward).
- Do not underestimate yourself. If you made a mistake, or just do not know how to perform a task, explain to your children that next time you will strive to do better.
- During the dinner, suggest to each member of the family that each one name an achievement or something good that they have done that day.
- If you think you can not see the positive side of things, consult a professional. A low self-esteem of the parents or a depressive state, can undermine the confidence of the children in their own parents and in themselves.
What should we avoid?
Children first develop security and a bond of trust with their parents through the affection and constant care they receive. When we respond to their needs, children gradually develop the feeling of being important enough for those around them.
Inside, the image of: "I feel safe, they listen to me, they take care of me" is projected.
But at the same time, when we let them explore the Universe by themselves, the idea that appears is the one that forges self-esteem: "My parents trust me".
But what happens when we make mistakes without noticing it and with that we are destroying their self-esteem?
Sometimes, love can be the prelude to excess, as for example, overprotection and install the idea that they can never fend for themselves if we are not to explain what they should do and how they should do it.
Let´s see what are the errors to avoid:
- Do not overprotect your child, because not only will you prevent him from learning, but at the same time you are sending him a wrong message generating the idea that he is incapable of doing something well or that you do not trust him.
- Do not criticize him all the time. If you are always making negative comments to your child and if despite their efforts, you are dissatisfied with their work or their behavior, you will only get discouraged.
Even if your achievement is not the best or you have not done it well, congratulate it. Every once in a while, show her with kindness how you can do it better. Never criticize your child in front of other people!
- If your child makes a mistake or does not act correctly, it is important to focus attention on the action and not attribute the action to the personality. It is preferable to say "Your attitude was not right", instead of saying "you are bad", or "you are selfish".
- For many mistakes they make, our children always value what we as parents think of them. Everything you say and say will have an impact on both negative and positive.
Never humiliate him, do not stoop him, or mock him.
Be always positive. Explain things without screaming or insulting. The hurtful comments leave an indelible mark and do not build anything positive.
- You are the center of your son´s Universe! Never forget! Children are very sensitive to their parents´ gaze. Do not ignore it. Be interested in everything I have to tell you. The attention you give him is very important to him.
- While it is positive to encourage our children to go for more, we must remain realistic in our demands so that they are in accordance with their possibilities. Do not be too demanding. If you do not achieve what you expect from him and you let him know, you can affect his confidence.
- Never compare it! Our children are all different and each one has its defects and its virtues. That is, they are people. Comparing with your siblings or with other children will only contribute to undermining your confidence and even to developing unnecessary jealousy. Do not alter the good climate that should reign in a family with attitudes that generate competition, resentment and resentment.
In any case, compare it with yourself. It highlights its achievements and its progress.
How to help them?
Many times we know what we should not do but we are not clear about what we should do. How can we help our children strengthen their self-esteem? Take advantage of your influence on your children and help make them confident and secure. We leave you some tips.
- First, tell him you trust him.
- Value your efforts. The effort is often more important than the result! And that applies to both big and small.
- It´s not about celebrating everything you do, but about noticing and pointing out that you see how well a job has done or how important it is that you have found a solution to a problem. This is very important to him.
- Maybe at some point we have to face the fact that your son has difficulty doing something in particular. We all have limitations and in fact nobody can do absolutely everything right. It is important to highlight the progress, the effort and the effort to improve.
- Explain to your child that a mistake does not have to be seen as a failure, and a failure can be the opportunity to generate something new and better. Be proud of it even if you make a mistake and think together about how to do it better next time.
- From very young our children can perform small tasks at home. Sort your toys, make your bed, wash your cup. Giving him responsibilities is an opportunity for him to develop his skills and be proud of his achievements.
- Spend time with your children. We know that the obligations we have are many and also parents are very demanding, but giving quality time to our children will let them know that you care about them.
- Show your child that you love him without conditions and that your love is not conditioned to his achievements or his physical appearance.
- Let your child tell you how he feels and express his feelings. Encourage him!
- Try that your child learns to know himself. Help him discover what his best conditions are.
- Allows you to gradually make your own decisions. You can start by letting her choose what clothes to wear, for example.
- Encourage him to accept challenges according to his possibilities.
- Be realistic about the expectations you have about your children.
As adults we have already gone through successes and failures and we know that they are inevitable. We can guide our children, but we can not put them safe from everything that may happen in their lives. They must travel their own experiences.
Little by little they will learn to develop greater autonomy, skills and competences that will make them live successes and failures, something to which we should not be afraid, because it is important to emphasize that it is a way to start over.
Perseverance is not installed in our children. It is normal that children do not want to make a second attempt at something that did not go well with them. And our role is precisely to encourage them to try again.
Stimulating them and recognizing the effort, which in itself is an achievement, will make them feel special and when we see the joy reflected in a smile it will be our turn to receive a quota of self-esteem as we enjoy the fruits of everything we have sown as parents.
What do you think about these tips? Tell us how you encourage your children to develop self-esteem and security. All the tips are valid!
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